Without friends where would we be?
Sitting alone in a room, staring out the window, or traveling the world with a single backpack dangling on our slouching shoulders.
Last year, I experienced many changes in the friendship department. But I was not disappointed. I gained new friends, rekindled age old friendships, found out family members can equally be the best of friends, further nurtured current friendships, and lost a friend.
The friend I lost didn't trouble me as it would have many years ago. Back then, I would have thought about it day in, day out, disturbed and sad, and angry about the loss. Since, I have learned that friends come and go, some stay forever, others for short periods, and then there are those that become a character in one of the chapters of your life. Yes I lost a friend. Some say she wasn't a friend to begin with, I say she was but the nature of the friendship changed. Maybe she changed, maybe I did.
Bottom line, the energy that once sustained our friendship had run out and the charger was no where to be found. Respect flew out the window and an open heart walked out the door. A mutual goodbye. It would have been easier to own it and simply say farewell my friend, unfortunately these things happen like a sudden tsunami. First the tremor is felt. Followed by a 5.5 earthquake which shook me - somewhat, and then came the tsunami drowning both our common sense and damaging the relation. The unexpected outbursts left us both very agitated, but I regained my calm, I chose to stand in the eye of the storm and watch where the trees might fall, and one by one they fell opening the view to reality.
It was during this chaotic episode of my five year long friendship that I came to the realization that true friendship may make mistakes but it seeks to resolve. True friendship may hurt, but it seeks forgiveness, true friendship may perpetuate unintentional wrongs, but hears when confronted. None of these signals of true friendship emerged, and I understood the tsunami had killed my illusion of true friendship in regards to this particular individual.
I was not angry but relieved. I was not sad but happy. I understood that the time slot in my life where there was room for a friendship with this woman, had passed. I have fond memories of events and moments we shared, however there was no place for something that no longer rang true in my heart.
Perhaps she detected the same. Friendships are great, and a blessing, even those that must end eventually, because surely they came to teach us something of value, or they appeared at a time we most needed them.