After going through a terrible loss this Summer, I found myself with a pretty low moral. I looked forward to sleeping early in the evening to shut down, and it became a difficult task to wake up in the mornings without feeling an empty sick void in the pit of my stomach.
While I gave myself permission and time to grieve, it slowly turned into a depressive mood. I still had to function for my family's sake but couldn't shake the blues. I was no longer excited about anything. No longer looking forward to my day. I didn't want to see anyone, and avoided gatherings. I felt no joy in my heart. I soon became the characters portrayed in those depression commercials selling some drug solution (with over fifty side effects). I never believed in being medicated, but maybe I needed something. My doctor gave me resources for therapists I could see but I didn't want to talk to anyone.
One morning as I opened my eyes to stare at the same colorless walls, waiting for my mind to resume its habitual negative thinking, I couldn't stay another second in the bed. I rebelled against my own thoughts, I wanted to shut them down and so I got up and put on an old pair of jeans, and a jacket over my pajama top and stepped out into the crisp morning air. It was 6am. I begun to walk, and walk faster and faster. I turned the corner and decided to venture to the other side of the road into another neighborhood. The new sites, and even distinct smells triggered a switch in my brain and I begun to feel good. Then as soon as I was feeling a bit better, I started crying, tears rolled down from beneath my "Jackie O" style sunglasses. But after this sudden outburst of emotions, which I hoped the other early bird joggers didn't notice, I felt really good.
I got hooked on that feeling, and I couldn't go a morning without my power walk. Up the hills, feeling my heart pump, down the hills, feeling blissfully re-energized, I would come home thirty to forty-five minutes later to wash away the sweat I would build up in a soothing hot shower. I slowly power walked my way out of my depressive state. I still go walking today, and the wonders it does is unbelievable. One step at a time, one day at a time, the simple act of taking a walk did wonders for my mind, and my thighs, and it can do wonders for you.
2 comments:
To those of you who are hurting, it's time to throw away that pain...You've got to keep on dancin' even when it rains...
Beautifully said, thank you for sharing those words.
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